Sexuality was something really disturbing, even though my sexual fantasies were super intense. I dreaded approaching the girls, and I felt guilty about it as if I had to force myself to approach them when deep down I was really stunned by their presence and their judgment that I imagined on me.
Afterwards, anyway I would have been uncomfortable in the presence of a girl, but I felt guilty for not approaching the girls anyway, that it was the big dummies, the poor guys who did not have a girlfriend, except at 19 years old and for a few months, otherwise I did not have girlfriends, and I felt it as a serious shame, a weight. It was something that I felt for a very long time, long after the beginning of my treatment, having seen this in other boys, I think it's quite widespread, even if it's less intense than it was in my home.